found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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