Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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