my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
