Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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