Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
