theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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