I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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