the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
