I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
