i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
