that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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