You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize