so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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