Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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