Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
