hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize