She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
