I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
