So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
