Where did you get a picture of my penis
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
