____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
