I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
