Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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