hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
