i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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