Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
