Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
