Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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