you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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