I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
