If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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