My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
