Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize