I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Plan B is the new Plan A
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
