last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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