So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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