Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
