Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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