I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
