She is in my trunk
Ambien. No doubt about it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
