there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
