hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
