i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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