there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
