just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
