u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
