girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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