don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I did not marry a roomba.
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