if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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