I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
