I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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