that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
