I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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