Soap is not a condiment
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
