Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
