She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
