We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
