They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
