She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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