I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
