She said her name was "party"
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
