It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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