Don't make out with my wife yet
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
