i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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