dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
