I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I yelled at your uterus for you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Shame - the story of my life.
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