I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
