you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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