I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
