Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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